Embracing healthy conflict
By Priscilla L. Pipho
January 11, 2021
Most people avoid it, few people enjoy it, and we have all seen the devastating effects that inappropriate conflict can have on relationships and in organizations. Conflict can be messy, it can be painful, it can favor strong personalities, and it can quickly devolve from objective facts to subjective feelings.
Conflict simply defined is a struggle – between ideas, people, nations – sometimes physical and always disruptive. We see conflict in politics, in religious congregations, in families, in offices, with strangers in traffic, with policy makers. Conflict is found in nature and relationships and is as essential to existence as it is an enigma. We cannot escape it and yet we try with great consistency to not only avoid it but to pretend it’s not there. Conflict avoidance can feel like the path of least resistance in the moment, and yet research and experience show us that a problem delayed is not a problem resolved, and often magnifies the conflict resulting in unintended consequences.
We avoid conflict because it’s messy. It can be painful and take time to dissect and interpret and often the road to resolution takes so many side trips that the real purpose of the conflict is obscured by our reactions to the conflict. On the other hand, conflict is needed in order to test ideas, challenge assumptions, create new approaches and innovations. Without conflict, science and technology would not have evolved to bring us modern medicine, the Internet, clean water, and watches that keep track of our heart beats! Early tech companies fostered cultures of competition and conflict to surge forward in developing products that would create global change because conflict drives innovation.
Yet the over-reliance on conflict can create a culture that is out of balance. Reports of Microsoft’s culture-swings from competitive to collaborative illustrate how a culture that is dominated by conflict can lead to its own problems, resulting in the loss of key players in a trade-off for rapid growth and expansion.
The avoidance of conflict can be just as destructive. Leaders who avoid conflict can miss important environmental cues and may be seen as indecisive or inconsistent which makes it difficult for people to know what is expected of them. The desire to please everyone results in pleasing no one and in little or no progress towards results. Conflict avoidance can decay a culture just as quickly as conflict encouragement, and during these times of rapid change, avoiding decisions can be perilous.
Our very own brains have a conflict-avoider baked right in. We know from brain science that our endocrine system generates a chemical rush when we are confronted with perceived danger, and the Amygdala hijack occurs which shuts down our access to rational thought. We also know from psychological type that we process information differently and as a result communication can break down rapidly when we don’t understand what these differences are.
In short, we tend to make it worse rather than better when we don’t have a good balance of healthy conflict. If only we had a template or guide to follow that can navigate the hidden obstacles inherent in conflict…
There are a few tools that are used with great success to help organizations approach conflict by understanding the differences between their communication styles and personalities. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and DiSC profiles are both effective tools for creating healthy conflict in interactions. Both instruments help explain differences in approaching conflict and how to avoid pitfalls that could create those unintended consequences.
For example, for people who prefer facts over impressions, conflict might be seen as a way to arrive at truth through robust discussion, while someone who values harmony in relationships may see public debate as criticism indicating failure. The result can be frustration and may manifest in lack of trust, personal attacks, and avoidance, reducing productivity. However, if these differences are understood, team members can avoid pushing unseen buttons and make a choice to engage in dialogue rather making assumptions about the intentions of others. When we understand these differences in ourselves and others, it is easier to embrace the conflict and continue the conversation.
If our goal is strategic alignment, leveraging the power of healthy conflict can be transformative. Here are 5 simple steps to get there:
1. Harness the power of the team. Start with your leadership team and engage in team building activities that build trust and synergy. Get everyone talking as a group and become purposeful in teasing out the unspoken issues of hurt feelings and avoidance.
2. Employ a common language. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and DiSC are both good tools that have conflict assessments. Taking the leadership team first through either MBTI or DiSC will give them a place to start the conversation about underlying conflict that may be suppressed. This common language will help the team understand that the conflict isn’t personal and begin to see the value each person brings to the dialogue.
3. Be purposeful in building trust. As you build the trust of the leadership team, telegraph the success to downstream teams within your organization. As employees see their leaders embrace transparency, trust is more easily built and team members become more comfortable holding themselves and one another accountable. You gotta walk the talk.
4. Build the systems. People will repeat what is rewarded, so build a system of accountability and trust into your people management systems. If you are serious about allowing disagreements and encouraging supportive team environments, build it into the conversations you have with employees. Make it a part of daily expectations and annual performance reviews.
5. Sustain change. Revisit the team building and training regularly to reinvigorate the teams from top to bottom. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.